Tuesday, August 15, 2017

30 Weeks

Umm.. a cucumber? That seems smaller than a butternut squash. Oh well
30 weeks is such a great milestone to hit. We got to have an ultrasound on Friday when I hit the 30 week mark. Baby girl was doing well and her estimated weight was 3lbs9oz! She's weighing right on track for her gestation, so that was good news. My cervix was also long and closed, so also good news.

We got to see which part of her is pushing up into my ribs and it was her butt! She sure likes to push her booty up high making it very difficult to get comfortable. I've read she gains about 1/2 pound a week until she comes now, which means she will put on over 4 lbs! I have no idea how I'm supposed to make room for that. I already feel all kinds of huge and uncomfortable and like my belly is stretched to the brim.

Overall sleep and anxiety are better too. Thank goodness and praise God! I guess the whole "nesting" thing is real because I've been de-cluttering and organizing the whole house one room/closet at a time. This also means I've created a mess in unorganized spaces in the meantime, but the goal is to get the house cleaned out in the next week and a half. It's a lofty goal, but I'm guessing I'm going to be too uncomfortable to do much of that after that point.

I also made my first trip to Labor and Delivery through the ER this weekend. I'll start by saying all is fine and baby girl is fine. But, she made me nervous on Sunday. Usually this baby girl is very active all day long. It's often uncomfortable as she wiggles, kicks and apparently adjusts her position all day (and night).  But on Sunday she was really calm and quiet. I didn't feel her nearly as much as usual. I got worried enough that after dinner I called the on-call line and although the nurse practitioner said the movement I was getting after dinner was enough to be encouraging to her, I was still worried. So, she encouraged me to go the ER and have them check me in to Labor and Delivery in if I felt anxious, so I did.

I went in and I'm glad they did. Of course once I arrived and checked in she started getting really active again. But, either way I'm glad I went in and the reassurance was nice! It was also a reminder of why I'm so glad we chose the hospital we did. I arrived there in about 5 minutes and it was so calm. It wasn't at all the crazy and chaotic ER that I was anticipating. Other than one elderly couple I was the only one there! Checking in and getting taken upstairs to the L&D wing was super easy and all was calm the whole time I was there. The nurses were kind and got right to setting me up to the Non-Stress-Test. I had this done in the regular OB office at 25 weeks, so I knew what to expect. They get my belly connected to a monitor so that it measures baby's heart rate for 20-40 minutes. I ended up being connected for about an hour. They want to see the heart rate go up and down to indicate that she's moving around freely, and she was. So they reassured me that all was well, which helped me sleep Sunday night.

Yesterday (Monday), she was back to her regular wiggly self thank goodness. Feeling her move around all day may be uncomfortable, but it's reassuring. I know something going wrong at this point is not common, but of course I'm super in tune, knowing that I'm the only one that will notice if there's an issue, so I take it all seriously. I know a few women who have had late stillbirths and less active babies, so of course I'm paying attention each day and don't want that to be me.

As of today, (Tuesday) we have 58 days to go. Did I already mention that my c-section is scheduled for October 13th? At moments, like when I'm trying to get things cleaned up and the children are making disasters of the entire house, 58 days seems like not enough time, but most of the time it still feels like a long way away and I hope the time passes quickly. Either way I hope the time passes quickly, but that I'm also able to get the house cleaned out and prepared for new no-name baby. :)

This may seem like a weird ultrasound photo, but it's looking right at her face! You can see her face is filling out and her mouth, nose and eyes! 


Wednesday, August 9, 2017

29 weeks


I wish this update said, "I love being pregnant and my sleep issues and anxiety are totally solved! Praise God!"

But instead it will say that I'm simultaneously very grateful to be this far along, that I'm feeling much better than I was several days ago, but that anxiety and brain chemistry imbalance are real and no fun to deal with. But still, praise God, right? :)

My OB said that it's common for women who have previously struggled with clinical anxiety or depression to have a big resurgence in third trimester. Well, that's me! (The anxiety part) I wish I weren't dealing with this and it's hard as I wish I was a totally happy-go-lucky pregnant lady who is enjoying every moment, but I'm not. Which is especially disappointing after the long road of infertility and loss we've been on. I don't want her to come before she is ready to be in the outside world, but I'm also ready for her to be in my arms. 99% because of the anxiety and 1% because pregnancy is hard and uncomfortable. 

Looking at the photo I shared, I feel much larger than I look. I walk like a waddling pregnant lady for sure, especially after a big meal. The good news is that I'm pretty used to the gestational diabetes and my numbers are much better with a new and more accurate monitor so there is no insulin in my near future. I even found some high protein, low sugar ice cream, so I don't feel deprived anymore. 

I'm grateful the weather is not so unbearably hot because I've been able to go on walks again. Usually it's just a mile, but that is no easy feat when waddling and pushing a stroller. It's been really helpful for my mental state to be active and outside regularly again. 

A big milestone.. we are officially registered! We've had a couple of people offer to host showers for us, and while the idea is so lovely and we want to do it I'm not quite emotionally ready to commit to a date yet.  But registering seemed like a good next step. Maybe in the next week or two I'll be feeling well enough emotionally to get that on the calendar. A shower would be fun! And the only ones we ever had the baby was already there (the buddy). 

Thank you all for the support and prayers! And for checking the blog! It's so wonderful to have the support and prayers from so many people who love us and this unnamed baby already.❤️ (Why are girl names so hard to choose?) 
 

Thursday, August 3, 2017

28 weeks


So, today I'm 28w6d. I have been anxious awaiting 28 weeks for so long and was ready to celebrate and start doing baby preparation (because literally none has been done and I want to start preparing and believing this baby will be coming home alive with us). 

But this week was riddled with increasing anxiety about the gestational diabetes, following by intense and scary insomnia, panic attacks and crippling anxiety. So there hasn't been much by way of celebrating. 

I'm grateful for my team of medical experts who knew it was time for intervention and for a God I experienced in a brand new, intimate and healing way this week for the first time ever personally (so this is cause for celebration and hallelujahs!)

It's been a rough week but I'm trusting that God will be faithful and walk me though this phase. I can write more later, but that's 28 weeks in a nutshell. 

Good news is baby is alive and kicking and we get a growth scan in 8 days at 30 weeks.