Last Friday, my 32 week appointment with the specialist was the BEST EVER (happy dance)! I think hitting that milestone was so, so big for me. If you remember, a few months back my RE (fertility doctor) said that "anything past 32 weeks is gravy for baby survival, so getting there was a big deal. Baby girl looked bigger and healthy on the ultrasound, and my blood sugar numbers were good, and my anxiety and sleep have been better, so I left that appointment feeling so, so good.
I felt a huge relief when I asked him about going into labor with the TAC (abdominal cerclage). Because it keeps your cervix closed from the top, uterine rupture is a very real concern. And since the cervix can't open at all, it can be hard to tell if labor is real or if someone is having intense Braxton Hicks contractions. Some women in the support groups I'm in have doctors that aren't too familiar with the TAC and want them to get to 39 weeks SO badly that they let them labor and things don't go well. Thank goodness I haven't had any contractions of any kind yet, but I was still worried about this and asked my MFM what he would do if I came in to the ER with contractions. He said that until 34 weeks they would use medication to try to stop the contractions, but that after 34 weeks they wouldn't try to stop labor for me because babies past that gestation do really, really well long term, even if they have a little bit of NICU time. This was a huge relief!
Saturday was Miriam's birthday. I had been very anxious about this date for awhile. I know in the future I will want to do lots to remember and memorialize her on this day, but this year I knew my emotions couldn't handle that. My emotions are already high enough worried about this baby I'm carrying that I knew I couldn't go to the sad place of missing her when I'm worried enough already. So, I told Dave I didn't want to make it a big part of our day and wanted to keep the day busy with our kids to keep myself from re-living how hard and sad the day was last year.
Turns out it's good we didn't have too much on our calendar because it's also the day that Dave was negotiating on the phone with multiple car dealerships and we ended up buying a van. Woa! I guess we must be feeling pretty confident about this baby girl coming home. I didn't want to put 3 carseats in one row, so we had been researching and looking into vans for awhile, and this weekend we were ready to take the plunge. I haven't really been able to drive it since we haven't had the time to get the carseats in there (we have some rearranging of carseats to do since Sweet P has just grown out of hers) so I've been driving the sedan and Dave has had the van without kids. I'm ready to start driving it though!
Monday and Tuesday baby girl had calmer days, which made me anxious. Sigh. She is usually SO active all day long (truly), so on days she's pretty calm I get worried. I thought for sure that by this point since I wouldn't be worried about my water breaking anymore I would stop being worried. But, it turns out instead of being worried about my water breaking I'm not worried about stillbirth. Blah. I know a few women whose babies got still toward the end of their pregnancies and then lost them so it's impossible for me to not worry about this. As long as baby girl is having an active day I feel pretty confident we are bringing her home in the next 6.5 weeks, but on the calm days I get terrified we are going to lose her. I hope she stays active enough to put my mind at ease, but I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up having a few more ER visits for non-stress-tests before she comes.
Thank you all so much for the support and prayers! Keep praying that baby girl stays healthy and this mama stays as calm as possible and that a healthy baby girl enters the outside world on or before October 13th! (Because I wouldn't complain if she came 2-3 weeks before then... haha)