Since I'll be 17 weeks tomorrow I guess I'm choosing the latter for now. Adjustments can be made so please advise.
The hardest part of this pregnancy by far is the anxiety. I know there are uncomfortable and difficult parts to pregnancy, but I don't care much about those. It's the mental and emotional hurdles that are tough. I look forward to every doctor, counseling, and acupuncture appointment as if I'm clinging to them for dear life. I breathe a sigh of relief each time there is good news or I get support. But at home and in between every appointment I wonder when things will go wrong. It's nearly impossible for me to imagine there being a healthy baby at the end of this. I wonder if today is the day we get bad news or that my water will break. I have moments of panic where I wonder if my water is about to break any second and what I would do if I'm in a public place. That may sound silly, but last time my water breaking totally came out of nowhere and was completely unexpected. And without a definite reason for what went wrong last time I'm terrified it can happen again, even if I'm told it's not statistically likely.
But I will say that my apt Monday was good. We heard the heartbeat again, which is always reassuring. I also got my first progesterone shot. Often times after a loss like ours progesterone shots (usually called p17 or the name brand of Makena) are recommended in subsequent pregnancies to prevent pre-term labor, if in fact that was part of the problem. These needles are huge and go right into your behind. 😳
Your nurse can give you these injections and that's what we opted to do. I had a small amount of anxiety about this due to my horrible reaction to a different kind of progesterone shot used for fertility treatment (progesterone in oil). Dave gave me these shots, which were also right in the booty, starting right before our embryo transfer back in February, and my body reacted terribly. My butt muscles got so tight that I had to sleep on a heating pad on the couch, and I still could barely sleep at night, and I also could barely walk. So I was very nervous this was going to happen again! Thankfully it did not, so I will be able to keep taking the Makena injections once a week through the rest of the pregnancy. I hope they help! My OB's nurse is so kind to be willing to give these to me once a week. 😀
In possibly exciting news I may have started to feel baby move. I have an anterior placenta, so I'm told I likely won't feel her until 20 weeks or so, but over the weekend I felt what may be early flutters. It was a very new sensation to me and felt like a "flip flop" on one side of my uterus. My OB said it could be baby, but she doesn't want me to get disappointed if I don't feel her again much, if at all for several weeks. So, who knows?
Otherwise, my body feels healthy and I don't feel sick like I did in the first trimester. I've officially gained 10 lbs so no worries there either. I bet I could slow down a bit. Haha
Thank you all so much for the thoughts and prayers. I know we will need them especially in the next month as we come up to the gestational age I was when my water broke and we lost Miriam. I'm trying to take it one day at a time, but I know the coming month will he emotionally difficult and I just pray we make it to the other side without anything horrible happening. ❤️