Please pardon my tired smile here. Posed photos do not come naturally to me.
No big updates this week, except I had my first cervical length check. I have a TAC that was placed laparoscopically in December (more about that to come since you probably have no idea what that is), and it is helping to keep my cervix nice and long, over 4cm as of Monday.
My MFM is great and I will be seeing him regularly for my cervical checks, and maybe some other stuff if I make it to the third trimester. He knows I'm a total worrier, but never belittles me or my questions and explains everything as thoroughly as possible to help put my mind at ease. This is not that common in doctors so it's much appreciated by me!
For the past couple of weeks I have had a lot of twitches, pinching, pulling, and unknown uterus and uterus-adjacent feelings which have had me on edge. He assured me that it sounded within the realm of normal and that with a TAC I would likely feel more of this than in a pregnancy without it, so that made sense and helped me feel less worried for about 24 hours. 😀
Dave and I have been going to weekly counseling and it has been invaluable. Now that I'm well into the second trimester and just 4 weeks from when my water broke with Miriam, we are doing everything possible to support this pregnancy and my mental health. Yesterday in counseling we talked about the fact that managing anxiety is healthy, but that I'm having to come to the place of accepting that I'm going to be anxious. It would maybe even be unhealthy if I wasn't concerned in a subsequent pregnancy after loss. So I'm "ok" with being anxious. But I also know that there's a dangerous level of anxiety and I have to use various coping measures to keep in manageable. I'm sure I'll have plenty to share about anxiety in the weeks to come.
Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Each day that I pass seems like a huge accomplishment and I'm grateful for each day. But each day also feels like an opportunity for something to go disastrously wrong. It's so so hard to imagine things going well when all we know from experience is things turning tragic. Experience is a strong teacher.
Tomorrow will be 16 weeks! I celebrate each daily and weekly milestone! Please baby keep cooking!