Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Ugh! I'm the worst infertility blogger!

So, I realized how horrible I am for not posting anything thoughtful last week about Infertility Awareness Week. I knew it was the week and I even changed my facebook profile picture to this quote.

And instead of posting something great here, I posted some goofy thing I wrote about infant sleep. Blah! I'm the worst!

I WILL say that even though we have two wonderful kids now, infertility is still a part of me. It will always be a part of me. I'm so incredibly grateful for it because without it we wouldn't have the children we do, but it doesn't mean it has left any fewer scars.

Infertility is really awful. Awful. I can't even come up with words to describe how gut-wrenching it is to go through. And the adoption wait is also no fun. Especially when it has been proceeded by infertility and the stress and huge costs that come along with it.

Infertility is exhausting and draining in pretty much every area of life. It's physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and relationally draining. It was hard on our marriage, on so many friendships and relationships that I don't think I will ever truly know the depth of the impact it had. It costs us so many gobs of money I'm glad I didn't keep track. It brought me to question so many things about God and my faith and led to many nights of crying myself to sleep.

Infertility sucks.

So, if you are still there in the trenches waiting for your kids to come into your life and are trudging through treatment, or adoption paperwork or the adoption wait I think about and pray for you often. I know what you're going through and it's hard. No matter how strong your faith or how resilient you are, it's a tough road and it breaks my heart that anyone has to go through it.

So if you ever want or need to talk to someone I hope you will reach out to me or someone else close to you. It's truly an impossible road to walk alone. You are not alone and I hope and pray you have people close to you to walk with you in the journey. I would love to be one of those people for you because I know what it's like and my heart breaks with you.

So this post certainly didn't come out in time for the actual week, but here it is now. And believe me when I say there IS hope and peace and joy on the other side of the struggle. I can't tell you how long it will take you to get there, but I can assure you the struggle won't last forever. And I can't wait to hear how your journey ends because it will be a story of redemption and love I'm sure of it.


  1. Such a kind post- I am in the 'trenches' at the moment and look forward to the day when I see some kind of redemption, however am so aware that infertility will always be a part of me and my story. Which sucks sometimes, especially when I wish that there were a way that it could be erased.

    I was quite struck by the words you wrote here:
    "I don't think I will ever truly know the depth of the impact it had. It costs us so many gobs of money I'm glad I didn't keep track."

    I can see the way infertility is destroying some of my friendships that I will never be able to repair. I see the way it is sucking up all of our money. I see the way it is making me a little bit cynical. But I am so glad that I will probably truly never know the real depth of the impact it has had on my life, but instead see tiny snippets. You say you didn't keep track of how much it cost you... I often feel like I should be keeping track of every cent spent rather than a 'vague amount', however I am beginning to think that perhaps it is better that we don't's not often people talk about the financial side of infertility, so it's always hard to know what is best in that situation.

    Thanks for taking the time to write this post,

  2. You are so sweet. Thank you so much for this kind and caring post.

  3. Samara and Rhonda,
    Hugs to you both on your journeys! Rhonda, I have already been following your story, and Samara, I will join with you in prayer and thoughts as well!


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