Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Bummed

So, here's the truth. 

I'm getting discouraged about adoption. 

Sigh.

I know it's normal for people to wait a year or two to bring home a child through adoption. I get that. However, I talked to the head of the small agency we're working with (the agency through which we were matched with the buddy) and they have had SEVEN adoptions this year. That might not sound like a lot, but this is an agency that usually averages about 5 in the whole year. AND an agency that usually keeps about 4 profiles on hand.

So, that means that our profile has been shown to expectant mothers at least seven different times with only 3 other options to choose from and we have been chosen 0 times.

Ugh.

Statistics would say that if you have a 25% chance of being chosen that within 4 or 5 times you WILL get chosen. Right? Well, the next time our profile is shown we will have arrived at twice that number. It's discouraging to think that that many women have looked at us and our lives (and seriously, you POUR yourself, your heart, and your soul into making your profile!) and decided they didn't want us to parent their child. That's kind of a big hit to the gut. I knew our profile was being shown and not chosen, but I didn't know it had been quite that many times. It's not like I'm thinking "Why isn't this going any faster?" because I know our wait time is not unusual at ALL, but instead I think "Why are we not getting chosen? What's wrong with us?" because we've had quite a few women look at our profile without being picked yet.

So, anyway, we have no update on the family building project. It's discouraging. The good news is that life is so busy I don't often sit down and think about it because I'm just having to think about whatever the current task at hand is. I think that's part of the reason I continue to stay busy and have a few different jobs.

It's REALLY hard not to compare and I know we have a different journey than the vast majority of people do to arriving at parenthood, but we have some friends who are about to have their SECOND child and they got pregnant for the first time after we started trying for #2. Whomp, whomp. How is that even possible? Some people get pregnant and deliver multiple children in the amount of time we have had zero progress for having or bringing home another child (we had seen a couple of different fertility specialists after bringing the buddy home before choosing adoption again)?

There you have it! A totally negative post. I know when we bring home another child (which I regret to say is very difficult to imagine at this point) I will say, "THIS is the child we were meant to have! We are SO grateful for how this turned out!", "God is so faithful!" etc, etc, blah, blah, blah. But, I would be lying if I said that that's where my brain is right now. So, there you have it. The truth of how I'm feeling. I hope you don't mind the bluntness. :-)


6 comments:

  1. Ugh- all I can say is "I hear you". Being in a vaguely similar situation, sometimes all I want to do is stomp my foot and say 'that's not fair!'. And right now there's whole bunch of nice and lovely things that I could say to you, but sometimes all I want to hear is "argh, that sucks!". If nothing else, I find it encouraging to read blunt posts like this that make me feel like my thoughts aren't so abnormal after all ;) Hang in there, x

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  2. We're not there yet, and in our scenario, we will know every time a mother is shown our profile, and I'm DREADING this part. Infertility already makes you second guess yourself and your ability to parent... when another also appears to feel that way too, it must be miserably hard. I'm telling you the same thing I'm prepared to tell myself, birth mothers pick a family for a BAZILLION different reasons, and it doesn't mean that they don't think you would be a good mom. Easier said than to believe, I'm sure. You ARE a great mom, and the next baby that is meant for your family will be so blessed to call you mom!

    Sending lots of love and big hugs to you, Elizabeth!

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  3. Sending you prayers of peace & encouragement & praying the next birth mom falls in love with your birth pile.
    I agree with Samara its nice to read posts like this because it let's the rest of us know we're not alone & that we too can be real.

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    1. Lol...well that's embarrassing. I meant your profile!! How the heck did it come out birth pile??? Lol

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  4. Bless your hearts. I am so sorry you are discouraged. But it WILL come and I am praying for JUST the right little one for your family.

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  5. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in how I feel!

    Our agency currently has about 90 active profiles and does approx 10 placements a year. We've been waiting 1 1/3 years. Our agency doesn't let us know if we are shown to birthparents unless we ask (which I do every 6 months) and so far we haven't been shown at all as far as I know.

    It's so hard not to compare yourself to others. I catch myself doing it, too. But try not to - it can be so disheartening and isn't fair to yourself. God knows what He's doing.

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