Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Bummed

So, here's the truth. 

I'm getting discouraged about adoption. 

Sigh.

I know it's normal for people to wait a year or two to bring home a child through adoption. I get that. However, I talked to the head of the small agency we're working with (the agency through which we were matched with the buddy) and they have had SEVEN adoptions this year. That might not sound like a lot, but this is an agency that usually averages about 5 in the whole year. AND an agency that usually keeps about 4 profiles on hand.

So, that means that our profile has been shown to expectant mothers at least seven different times with only 3 other options to choose from and we have been chosen 0 times.

Ugh.

Statistics would say that if you have a 25% chance of being chosen that within 4 or 5 times you WILL get chosen. Right? Well, the next time our profile is shown we will have arrived at twice that number. It's discouraging to think that that many women have looked at us and our lives (and seriously, you POUR yourself, your heart, and your soul into making your profile!) and decided they didn't want us to parent their child. That's kind of a big hit to the gut. I knew our profile was being shown and not chosen, but I didn't know it had been quite that many times. It's not like I'm thinking "Why isn't this going any faster?" because I know our wait time is not unusual at ALL, but instead I think "Why are we not getting chosen? What's wrong with us?" because we've had quite a few women look at our profile without being picked yet.

So, anyway, we have no update on the family building project. It's discouraging. The good news is that life is so busy I don't often sit down and think about it because I'm just having to think about whatever the current task at hand is. I think that's part of the reason I continue to stay busy and have a few different jobs.

It's REALLY hard not to compare and I know we have a different journey than the vast majority of people do to arriving at parenthood, but we have some friends who are about to have their SECOND child and they got pregnant for the first time after we started trying for #2. Whomp, whomp. How is that even possible? Some people get pregnant and deliver multiple children in the amount of time we have had zero progress for having or bringing home another child (we had seen a couple of different fertility specialists after bringing the buddy home before choosing adoption again)?

There you have it! A totally negative post. I know when we bring home another child (which I regret to say is very difficult to imagine at this point) I will say, "THIS is the child we were meant to have! We are SO grateful for how this turned out!", "God is so faithful!" etc, etc, blah, blah, blah. But, I would be lying if I said that that's where my brain is right now. So, there you have it. The truth of how I'm feeling. I hope you don't mind the bluntness. :-)