Sunday, October 27, 2013

Ugh.. the bad news update

If you haven't read our recent TTC journey on hellobee, here's the link.

We were semi-hopeful that this RE's protocol would work. About 2 months ago Dave got a sperm analysis that was headed in the right direction. Still not normal, but definitely better. So, he was supposed to continue to take the low-dose steroid for a couple of more months and get another test. He got another test last week and the results were the worst he has ever had. :/ Like, not only was morphology bad, but the motility plummeted. We were hoping we would have numbers good enough to try a few IUIs, but no such luck. :/ We have an appointment with the RE on Tuesday to get his thoughts and here if he has any more suggestions. We will likely have to run more blood tests (unless he tells us to just go straight to IVF) which will run us about $500. :/

On Friday we found out that the University where Dave teaches part-time is cutting his course load in half (but of course just making class sizes bigger). So, there's a significant loss of income for the spring. We're hoping this is only for one semester!

Also, it turns out that my new job that was supposed to allow me to spend more time with the buddy is super stressful. Even though I'm home on Tuesdays and Thursdays with him, my M/W/F days are longer and I do A LOT of work from home. So, I'm only working about 5 hours less a week than I did last year and making about 1/4 the money. So.... yeah. That stinks and I'm not sure what to do about it. I LOVE being home on T/TH, but I'm hoping as the year progresses I won't have to spend as much time working on things from home.

All that to say, we're discouraged. I spent the past few days being very depressed. I KNOW things could always be worse and I'm confident God has a plan for us, but it gets very difficult to remain optimistic when finances and fertility issues are so often a stressor. I have a hard time trusting God when things are hard. I wish I weren't this way and that trials made me more confident in God's future miracles, but we're pretty worn out on praying for a miracle. Sigh. 


It will all be ok. The buddy is amazing and I'm SO grateful for our infertility so that he is in our lives. But, I'm not so grateful for the infertility that has stuck around AFTER he's been our son. We really want 3-4 kids and I really want to be a stay-at-home mom and it seems like every time we think we're getting closer we get a big setback (or two).

Sorry to be negative. Just sharing how it's going. Here's hoping for a better week! :)   

4 comments:

  1. IF sucks. I'm sorry so many things are stressful right now. Hoping things calm down soon!

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  2. I am sorry the SA results were not better! I remember that similar feeling earlier this year! I hope you are able to come up with a good plan. I am not sure if this is an option but I wanted to ask if you have thought @ embryo adoption/donation if your RE mentions ivf. There are a few different types (open, anonymous, ones that need home studies & others that do not.). It is often not as expensive as ivf but the tax credit doesn't apply. We are moving forward with this so I thought I would mention just in case it could be an option to you. Wishing you the best!

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  3. Yes, Leslie! We have definitely thought about it for sure! It's always in the back of our minds, but I guess since Dave has a LOT of sperm (just bad quality, ugh), it's hard to let go of bio kids for sure yet. :/ I think it would be easier to go that route if anyone ever told us that we needed to let go of having biological kids, but everyone has been so optimistic about our situation so far. Which (I guess) is good, but also hard since it seems like we're always getting bad news. :/

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  4. Thinking of you and hoping you have a better week!

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