One year ago life was "normal" for us. We were confused about our infertility, waiting for a birthmother to choose us, but not thinking we would be becoming parents anytime soon. We had NO IDEA that the buddy even existed. No idea.
I think the next couple of weeks may be (a good kind of) emotional for me. For some reason, looking back over the span of a year and seeing how extraordinarily different our lives are makes me stop, think and remember. We are just days away from the "double anniversary." This Friday will mark two years since our infertility diagnosis and one year since we received the email that we had been chosen by a birthmother. I often can't even believe that this is the story God has written for us, where sad days are turned into joyous ones. I'm glad for these few weeks to be reminded of God's redemption in our lives and our family.
BUT, if I think back to one year ago I can remember that we had no idea that the buddy existed. No idea we were about to become parents. But, someone knew him so intimately and closely already. His birthmother. She had known him for months. Carried him with her wherever she went. Close to her heart, both physically and emotionally. We may not have known him, but she did. And she was making one of the biggest decisions of her life. Who would she choose to raise her son?
In a perfect world, pregnancies are always planned and children can always be raised by their biological parents. But, we live in a world that is not perfect, but is also full of redemption. She choose redemption, LIFE, for this precious baby boy. When I think of her time with him I am partially jealous. I wish I could have carried the buddy as a part of me, nurturing him those 9 months. But, I did not and she did. And she did an amazing job. I am in awe of her courage. Her strength. Her love for him. Her love for him was and IS so strong that she chose what she believed was truly the best for him. And I am still in unbelief that she chose US.
When I think about it I can't imagine a bigger honor. It's the greatest and most humbling honor of my life. This woman that I admire so much, the woman that took such good care of our son before we even knew he existed. She choose US to be his parents. She thought I, would make a good mother for her son. I can't really even think about it because it boggles my mind.
When people hear that we've adopted they often say that we have done a "good" or "admirable" thing. I wish I could explain that we are not the ones that have done anything extraordinary. We WANTED to become parents. We were anxious for it! To me, the real hero is his birthmother. Some may say that she "gave him up," but they couldn't be more wrong. We have seen firsthand her love for him. It is this love that motivated her to carry a child for 9 months that she knew she would not be able to raise. It is this love that led her to pursue extremely thorough pre-natal care, support through the adoption agency, and eventually led her to us. She loved him so much that she chose what she believed was best for HIM, not for herself or for anyone else in her life, but for HIM. In my opinion, THAT is the hero of the story. THAT is the true sacrifice.
She is forever his first mother and we are eternally grateful to her for her love not only for the buddy, but her love for us as well. We are grateful that she continues to be an important part of his life and we hope and pray that he will admire her as he grows up as the woman that gave him life and that always did what she believed was best for him.
As we arrive at this time of year of memories, intense emotions and celebration of how we became parents, I will be thinking of his birthmother as well. The woman that made me a mom. An incredible woman for which I am eternally grateful.