Tonight I sit here with a very full, but very broken heart. Tonight we heard from friends of ours that they just experienced a disrupted adoption. Instead of bringing home the babies they have been preparing for for the last few months, they are going home from the hospital alone. I can't even imagine their pain and loss right now.
So tonight, baby N's bedtime routine was done so much more intentionally and with so much gratitude. Tonight I feel so undeserving of the gift of parenthood. These friends have been through so much more than we have in their journey to parenthood already and somehow we have our baby before they do. I don't understand and I feel so humbled. Tonight I allowed my heart to swell at every kick and squeal during bathtime and coo during story time. I feel like I'm taking in his every moment like I haven't done in awhile.
Tonight I'm reminded of how grateful I am for N's birthmother. I'm in awe of her whenever I think of her and need to take more moments to do so. She chose what she believed was best for him and I can't believe she chose us to raise him. It's so incredibly humbling. We owe so much to her and are so thankful that we are forever connected to such a loving, kind and selfless woman. How can you ever thank someone for giving you the gift of your child?
So tonight, as much as I've been thinking I need to post about what it's like juggling mommy-hood and a nearly full-time job, right now it's unnecessary. Life is busy, but it has never been more wonderful. We are so blessed and do not take the gift of being his parents for granted. I want to remember this feeling. It's similar to the one I had when we brought him home and I couldn't believe the change that happened to our lives and our home in less than 24 hours. I hope I remember this feeling and take it with me through every step of his childhood and beyond.
Please take a moment and pray for our friends. I can't imagine what the coming days will be like for them. Sometimes I just don't understand.