Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Musings on Parenthood


Caught a little smile! (And in a cloth diaper too!)
My apologies for being such a bad blogger the past 2 months!! Parenthood is quite time-consuming! And even more than the parenting part has been the preparing for baby that most people get 9 months for. :-) But, no complaining here. I LOVE being super busy taking care of N and figuring out all kinds of fun things, like how to cloth diaper, researching baby "strategies", reading up on baby care, buying necessary (and some unnecessary) items and even taking the time to write thank you notes. ALL worth it. =)

Here are some of my more immediate thoughts/reflections on parenthood for us so far.

At 7 Weeks
1. Infertility was a nightmare. IS a nightmare. It doesn't go away whenever you have a child and become a parent. We're still infertile. And that's still annoying!

2. Despite our infertility, I'm completely grateful for it! (I know, I know. I'm totally contradicting #1. Welcome to my world of confusing thoughts.) If it weren't for infertility we wouldn't be N's parents. So, all the heartache was and is completely worth it.

3. I used to be really mad at myself (and us) for not trying to conceive sooner and for taking the break in-between. But, now that we're parents I don't regret it at all. Becoming a parent is the biggest life change I can imagine. It's 100% time-consuming (for us at least)! It's a complete blessing in every way. However, I am also so VERY grateful for the 4.5 years of marriage we had before becoming parents! 

Just chillin'
In those years we were able to do so many things we are no longer able to do and won't be able to for at least 18 years. =) Like jetting off on an 8 night vacation just the two of us and not having to worry about another little person (either on the trip with us or at home with grandparents), deciding last-minute to go downtown on a Tuesday evening and see a movie, sleeping in as late as we'd like on the weekends, etc. etc. Don't get me wrong! Having N is worth losing all of these things! But, I'm very grateful for the time we DID have to do all this. Even with the troubles we had becoming parents (and I know the journey is much longer for others and they may not agree with our conclusion), but we're very grateful that we were very ready to be parents when we started trying. I didn't always think that way, but I definitely do now. (Also, isn't it ironic that it was just about 2 months before he came along that we REALLY started appreciated our freedom and stopped obsessing with becoming parents?)

SO happy after his bath!
4. Sometimes I wonder why God choose US to be N's parents. I know why N's birthmom chose us, because she told us what attracted her to our profile. :-) But, I wonder sometimes why WE were chosen to be HIS parents. Why would God not allow us to conceive after so much trying yet allow his birthmother to conceive the child we were meant to raise? I'm grateful that N is our son and I'm very grateful that we never did conceive (because otherwise we wouldn't have him), but doesn't this way seem more complicated?

Standing with just a bit of support from daddy!
Idon't think I believe that there's ONE reason that we are N's parents, but sometimes I wonder about the spirituality and "cosmic-ness" of it. And why THIS was God's plan. Why did He choose US? What makes us worthy of being N's parents over any other parent in the world? Maybe I'm sounding confusing and strange, or even ungrateful, but that's not what I'm going for here. It's just that our journey to parenthood is so far from "normal" or "typical." Snuggling with little N, feeding him and even changing him I can't imagine my life without him! He's such a blessing! And I wouldn't WANT it any other way. But, sometimes, when I'm not frantically running around I wonder how this part of our life's journey is a part of God's bigger picture. I know part of it has been to teach me trust and patience, but I know that's not the whole story. Not that I expect you all blog readers to provide answers to my crazy thoughts, I'm just sharing some of the musings I have. =)
At 8 Weeks Old

That's all for now! I'm off to finish sewing a head strap on N's beach hat! (Don't be too impressed... I'm just using an old strap from a bathing suit I no longer wear and it definitely doesn't match the hat. But, if it keeps it on his head it works for me! hehe...)

5 comments:

  1. Maybe the answer to your questions regarding the bigger picture of this is the same answer Jesus gave when the people asked why the man was blind.

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  2. N is absolutely adorable!! He is very lucky to have you as his parents and I am so happy that you have him in your lives!!

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  3. That boy is adorable! I think we all have these kidns of questions and could drive ourselves crazy trying to figure out the answers. I've given up - deciding to believe that I'll know the answers when I'm supposed to. Sounds simple, of course in practice it's not quite so easy, lol.

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  4. Your little man is adorable! We are planning on cloth diapering also once we are blessed with our baby. How has it been so far? What brand/style of diaper has worked best for you?

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  5. Oh my gosh, those cheeks are just the cutest! I want to pinch them!! Are those dimples I see???

    I want to cloth diaper as well, and am very confused by it!! You look like a pro!

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