Friday, May 25, 2012

Week 2

So, I officially stink at this ICLW. Blogging is just not a priority right now. And that´s ok. =)

Baby N is going great! But, starting this week he has decided that he likes to be fussy in the evenings. I hear that's normal, so we're not worried. Although it did take daddy by surprise! I think it's interesting how many baby things I didn't even know that I knew, whether through baby-sitting or all my younger cousins, etc. For example, I never knew that changing a diaper could be complicated. I just thought you just did it! But, I had to teach Dave and it takes him quite a bit longer than it takes me. I think this also has something to do with men generally not being so good at multi-tasking.

Motherhood is wonderful, but if I wrote about all the sweet faces he made or the times he sleeps calmly this would be a boring blog post. So, here's the "interesting" things that have happened.

Baby N's Second Bath- After peeing all over daddy, himself and the wall, we decided he should have a bath. Since his cord fell off last weekend, we've been able to start giving him REAL baths which he is much more happy about than sponge baths. =) Anyway, after enjoying the bath for a few minutes, he spit up. So, as we were trying to clean him up from that he decided to pee all over everything (including mommy this time!) So, NOT a very successful bathtime... hehe... =)

During one of his formula feedings Dave was standing over my shoulder saying, "Isn't he just wonderful!?" And right then as I was transitioning him from the feeding position to the burping position, he spit up all over me. =) As if on an ironic cue.

And this is the MOST interesting and I wouldn't blame you if you think I was lying. But, we've been trying to keep him on a fairly regular schedule of eating, wake/play time, then sleep. During wake time we like to give him "tummy time" at least twice a day because the hospital nurses encouraged it. And he is QUITE good at pushing himself up and holding up his neck! This skill was already impressing us! UNTIL... yesterday he rolled from his tummy to his back! We immediately started freaking out! Looked it up and it's a 3 month skill! Looks like we have a little Olympian on our hands. =) We know it was a random occurrence and it's not like he's mastered the skill yet. But, we're still those parents who are obsessed with their child's accomplishments. =) So, here I am bragging on my blog. Sorry, but I just can't resist!

Monday, May 21, 2012

May ICLW

So, when I signed up for May's International Comment Leaving Week (ICLW), I had NO idea what life would look at this point! Whew! So, I don't know if I'll be able to leave as many comments as I'm supposed to, or be able to blog every day, but I'm do my best.

Our short story is that we were married in December, 2007. We started trying on and off starting in May 2010, but then were told we had little to no chance of natural conception in May 2011, just a little over a year ago. We were devastated. We tried natural remedies (acupuncture, naturopaths, etc.) for awhile and even did one round of IUI that didn't work.

We had always talked about having 2 biological kids, then adopting 2 kids, so when trying naturally didn't go so well we started looking into adopting for our FIRST child and could revisit fertility treatments in the future. We started the home study process with Catholic Charities in the fall, and were home study approved on December 5th (oh dear, maybe the 6th?) 2011. We were on the waiting list with 2 different agencies, one in Nashville and one in Memphis and found an adoption facilitator just about a month ago that we were also waiting with.

We thought we would have a wait time of about 18 months-2 years, so we were not prepared when we were told just 2 weeks ago that we were selected by a birthmother in Memphis! Before even having the chance to meet her, we received the call on Mother's Day that she had given birth to a baby boy. We left on Monday to meet them both, and returned home with baby N
late Tuesday night, less than a week ago!

We are so blessed to have him in our lives! It's crazy to have the same conflicting thoughts that it seems like he's been here forever, but that it also seems like too good of a dream and that I'll just wake up soon. We still wait with until May 29th, the last day that his birthmother has to change her mind. But, even so, he will continue to love him with all we have, because no matter what, he's with us now and we 100% view him as our son. Our very precious little sack of love, our little bean. :)

I won't be posting photos of him until the 30th, but until then I will probably show some pictures of how our home and lives have changed in the blink of an eye.

Thanks to ALL for their continued love, support and prayers.

Friday, May 18, 2012

What.A.Week!

When I wrote the last blog about Mother's Day, I actually had recently heard that we had been selected by a birthmom! But, I didn't want to mention it or not mention Mother's Day at all since we weren't planning meeting her until Monday (the 14th) and I didn't want to announce it to the world until it became "official."

We were so excited, but also scared! She was due May 26th, just 3 weeks after we heard and thought that seemed VERY soon to bring home a baby. But, we were super excited to meet the birthmom and we were also excited that she was expecting a baby girl. We started talking about the most adorable girl baby names and I actually ordered a baby girl outfit from Target online (it was on clearance... good sales always get me). But, we were also very cautious. We didn't want to announce or assume anything until we met the birthmom and made things more official.

However, if there's one thing I've learned, or should learn, it's that life never goes according to plan! We got the call from the agency on Sunday afternoon (yes, just 5 days ago) that the birthmom had already delivered the baby and it was a BOY! (Talk about a lot of surprises in just one week's time!) He was born at 12:15 on Mother's Day at 6 lbs. 7 oz. They wanted us to head to Memphis Monday morning to meet both the baby boy and his birthmother. AND to pick out a name!

We discussed names, got a carseat, feverishly took stored baby furniture out of the attic and packed our bags to head to Memphis. And Tuesday night we brought home our baby boy! AHHHH!!! It's still so unbelievable! I became a mother on MOTHER'S DAY! And without any notice! It's such a miracle!

On this blog I will call him baby N. He is SUCH a good baby! We love him so much and have spent lots of time loving on him and kissing him (and obviously taking good care of him). On one hand it seems incredibly normal that I'm now basing my entire life on feedings every 3 hours, but on the other hand I feel like I'm in a dream! It's very, very difficult to believe.

His birthmother is an amazing and incredible woman and we're going to have an open adoption so he will be able to know her as he grows up. And because it's adoption and we have about 2 weeks left until it's all settled and official (the amount of time she has to change her mind), I won't be posting pictures here yet. But, will be soon! He's absolutely beautiful.

Anyway, I can't even fathom that less than a month ago I was blogging about Infertility Awareness Week and this week I can't even get a spare moment to READ any blogs, let alone write any. I don't know when reality will truly set in.

More to come... AHHH!!! I can't believe I'm writing this!!

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Mother's Day

I've been feelings like I should blog something about Mother's Day, but I haven't been too inspired. For me, it's the passing of the dates on the calendar while everything stays the same that upset me most. Like the one year mark of receiving our news last week....

The truth is that the fact that we got the news on Mother's Day weekend wasn't especially significant for me for some reason. Probably because I was so distracted by my crying all weekend anyway. :/ But, also I think that it helped that we have a wonderful church that doesn't want the focus of the worship service to be on anything other than God. So, they never do anything like asking all the mothers to stand or clapping for the oldest mother in the room or something like that. And I think it also helps that we don't have tv service at home, so thankfully we haven't had to watch horribly sentimental Mother's Day commercials. THAT would be hard for me. But, I'm also not super enthusiastic about tomorrow either and plan on lying low for the day.

But, I also want to just take the time this weekend to remember and pray for EVERYONE that is sad on Mother's Day. It's not just sad for those going through infertility, but for those with estranged relationships with their moms, or people who have recently lost their mothers... I'm sure it's a day loaded with lots of emotions for a lot of people.

I know it's meant to be a day of joy for those that ARE mothers and that have mothers they are close to! I am glad to have a special day to show my mom appreciation for her love and support and for always being there. So, Happy Mother's Day to my wonderful mom! And to all the other mothers out there. :)

But, please take a moment to remember those who mourn on this day. It's a day of "hibernation" for many of us. Even a commercial that used to seem so innocent can cause much pain and feelings of loss. So, just as we rejoice with those who rejoice (or at least try to), take some time to mourn with those who mourn. I've received two cards from very thoughtful people saying they are remembering us and praying for us and it meant so much. A thoughtful word of love and support is very meaningful, so don't be afraid to reach out to those who may be sad for various reasons this Mother's Day.

Here are links to posts others have written that are much better that what I've written. :)
Mourning with Those who Mourn on Mother's Day
Mother's Day is Not Always a Day of Celebration

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

My Parents are Awesome!

 If you've ever been to our house you know how disastrous the front landscaping has always been! When we moved into our home 3 years ago the front landscaping was essentially just 6 giant holly bushes across the length of the house (with a few other things in there too.) 2.5 years ago the middle holly bush died. And we finally got rid of the dead stump about a month ago. That's right... it took us over 2 years to get rid of a dead stump. :) That tells you how big of a project the front of our house is and how much we just continued to procrastinate it. :)

However, last weekend, we decided it was TIME! Mostly due to the enthusiasm and willingness to help from my parents (and getting a bunch of "free" mulch from the tree trimmers), we decide to get started.

This the "before" picture. Although as you can see, cutting down one of the holly bushes has begun!

My dad and Dave did all the heavy labor of getting these 50-year-old bushes out of there!

Here's the "AFTER" picture! Look how much nicer it looks! Of course, we're hoping all our little bushes and shrubs fill out in the next year or so. We're rooting for those knock-out-roses... they're looking pretty droopy.

Isn't it so pretty! Our first real mulching job too! :-)

This is from the BACK garden, our vegetable garden. This is the first salad of the season with lettuce right out of our garden! YUM! :-)
So, thanks mom and dad for the motivation and help to tackle this GIANT project we've been putting off for over 2 years! We never could have done it without you. :) My mom helped on "tearing out day" and didn't make it on "planting" day until the job was all done. When she saw it, she cried happy tears. She was so proud of all the hard work and how much nicer it looks! (Isn't she the sweetest? :) Yay for decent landscaping!!

(Any other homeowners out there feel that as soon as you finish ONE huge house project, you then see another giant project that needs to be done?! This weekend we're going to attempt painting the carport... because we desperately need to get gutters up there and it needs painting first... always something.) :-)

Pampers Commercial

I know this commercial has a lot of babies in it, so it may make you cry. You've probably seen it on tv (but since we don't have cable or tv service we haven't). :)

Anyway, this commercial makes me cry every time I see it posted somewhere so I decided to share it here too. Not that I'm a huge Pampers fan or something, but it's really touching to me how they acknowledge that every child is a miracle no matter how they get to their families. I think that's a really great and positive message, that ever child is a miracle. Get your Kleenax ready! :-)

Friday, May 4, 2012

Happy... anniversary??

I don't like thinking about the significance of this day, but one year ago today we received our diagnosis. I actually don't know the exact date (it would be easy to figure out, but I just don't want to), but it's a day of annual events. I will always remember the phone call on the Friday of Field Day at my school (where I distracted much of the time playing phone tag with the fertility clinic trying to get results), and also our church's annual Children's Ministry Fiesta in the evening. (Which I didn't attend due to the fact I had been crying the entire day after I got the news.) Last year it also unkindly fell on Mother's Day weekend. :/

I've been dreading this day for months. But, the past couple of weeks I started to feel stronger and was actually planning on writing a really upbeat post about how the last year has simultaneously been the worst and best year of our lives. About how we've been through tragedy and disappointment we never imagined we'd have to go through, but at the same time have grown and learned to be content in a whole new way. That was until I woke up to my period and the worst cramps I have ever had. :/ I had to lie down for a couple of hours to experience any kind of relief. Why does it seem that days you already know are going to be difficult seem to add additional pain and grief? (A Side Note: Even though we're waiting to adopt, the monthly "visit" continues to be a reminder of what we don't have and based on conversations with both waiting and current adoptive parents, it's completely normal and common to continue to experience a renewed sense of grief each month.)

But, an "anniversary" like this does make a person (well, me) reflect on the passing of time. I never thought I'd make it to this point in life without being a mother, and I especially never though I'd get here without a "resolution" to our fertility, such as being pregnant, or being matched with a birthmother. So, in that regard I'm still SO far from where I'd like to be. But, at the same time I truly believe I'm in a much BETTER place today than I was a year ago.

I'm certainly less naive, much less convinced that motherhood is the only thing that will make me happy. I'm learning how to appreciate life and beauty in a whole new way. And I'm learning to believe that God is truly good no matter what our circumstances or how much life doesn't match up to my expectations or desires. I'm learning to notice and appreciate beauty in all kind of new and expected places. And I'm constantly discovering more about how I am and who I'm meant to be. AND, ironically enough, as "left out" of life as I have felt the majority of my life (whew... that's another story too), I'm actually feeling more connected to people than I would have imagined. Connecting with a shared pain and loss in a community of truly kind and compassionate people. And for all these things I'm truly grateful.

So there, I guess this post did turn out more like I originally intended it, other than the brief pity part at the beginning. :-) On days like today I feel endlessly far from my hopes and dreams of having a big family, but I'm trying to take life just one step at a time in a situation that's completely out of my control. This year I didn't make it to Field Day since I was lying on the couch with a heating pad after a pretty large dose of Tylenol. But, this year I plan on making it to the Fiesta. I may cry the whole way home, but I'll be there. And I hope that one year from now there will be even more blessings to count and maybe I'll finally make it to BOTH events on this "anniversary". Because next year this Spanish teacher REALLY wants to celebrate Cinco de Mayo without any this ugly baggage! A girl can dream, right? :-)

(This weekend also marks 5 months waiting, and no news yet. The birthmother  mentioned a few weeks back obviously didn't choose us. I don't know if she decided to parent or if she chose a different family. But, this time just wasn't meant to be. This is why we don't get our hopes up when we hear our profile will be shown!)

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

About the Bird...

Yeah, the one that was in our wall...


When we got a new roof and new carport in the fall, apparently the company left a gap JUST big enough for a bird to get through to our attic. :/ I won't say who the company is, but I wouldn't recommend them as they've been called once a week for the past 3 weeks to come fix the problem. Blech..


Anyway, sad to say, the bird eventually got quiet on Saturday (we tried to make it a path to get out, but it just couldn't) and we realized that it died. :( However, my husband is a genius (he even told me so! ha!) and duct taped one of those sticky paper rodent traps to the end of an extension cord, fed it through the wall from the attic and got it out! I know it's overall very sad that the bird died, but we were also extremely relieved to not have to cut out the dry wall to get it out. I'm just glad he didn't show me what the poor thing looked like. :/


So, we are bird-free for now and we have chicken wire nailed over the opening outside, so we are hoping another bird doesn't get in! (AND that the company comes this week like they promised... not that we have high hopes for them at this point.) We had a different bird up there a couple of weeks ago that got out on its own, but still make for a dramatic Saturday.


We're done dealing with birds on the inside, rather than the outside, of our house!


(Thanks for asking.) :-)