Monday, April 23, 2012

Don't Ignore...

... our confusion.
Let's face it. Infertility is confusing. WHY are we going through this struggle? It seems so frustrating and upsetting to have found yourself as 1 out of 8. Sure, that means we're not alone, but you know what? We're in the minority and we don't understand WHY.

Yesterday I posted information from "Resolve" on the risk factors for infertility.
  • Weight
  • Age
  • Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
  • Tubal Disease
  • Endometriosis
  • DES Exposure
  • Smoking
  • Alcohol 
And you know what's EXTRA frustrating and confusing?! We have NONE of these risk factors! I mean, sure, Dave and I have drank alcohol in the past, but not at an unhealthy rate and since our diagnosis last year we have pretty much completely cut out alcohol. In the past year we could count the number of drinks we have had on our fingers, which I'm pretty sure is QUITE far under the average. :/

I know we are not the only people going through infertility that feel this way... how could we do absolutely everything "right" and still not be able to get pregnant? We certainly didn't wait too long. We don't have STDs and neither one of us have ever been smokers, etc. How does it make sense that the people we know that DO have these risk factors get pregnant so easily (and multiple times) while we cannot? It doesn't seem fair/right does it?

So, please don't ignore our confusion. We know that you can't make this situation make sense to us, but please be empathetic as we try to figure things out. This is very truly the most confusing and frustrating thing that has ever happened to us! How can you make such healthy life choices, do EVERYTHING in your power to be very healthy and to have your body not respond? It's very difficult to not think of your body as your enemy. Why won't our bodies do what we want them to, what they're SUPPOSED to do? Despite our very best efforts!?

For this I have no answer. And neither does anyone else. Even experts in the infertility world can't explain what causes infertility, and I can't tell you how many times we've heard, "this just might be the way you are." And that is horribly upsetting and demoralizing news to hear.

And we are not alone. Millions of other healthy people are diagnosed with infertility each year, wondering why in the world this would happen to them. And those that are diagnosed with "unexplained infertility" must be even more confused than we are!

To this confusion there is no solution. We MUST learn to accept our diagnosis and our life as it is. No amount of thinking this is unfair or wishing it away will make any kind of difference. We are excited to become parents through the beautiful gift of adoption! But, that doesn't take away our confusion. I think that confusion, that frustration, that loss will always be there. We cannot make sense of it and I think that will always make my brain hurt. :/ But, "it is what it is" and we must be thankful to God for how He will minister to us in spite of our confusion and our hurt.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

We have to cling to these verses because truly, our own (and our Doctor's own) understanding will never understand this. We must trust in the Lord that even though infertility is a horrible disease, that God will bring something beautiful from it. And for now, that's what we're waiting for. :)


  1. Here via ICLW. So true, beautifully written. Best of luck on your adoption journey.

  2. What a wonderfully worded post. You put the emotions of infertility so well and, I think, one of the things I struggle with most is my confusion over our situation. Especially when other people try and tell me the "why" of our infertility. I pray that you are soon given your something beautiful from this horrible disease.

    ICLW #95

    p.s. I will be following along from here on out.

  3. Thanks for all the kind comments! Colleen- what's your blog address? Blogger isn't letting me see your profile and I'd love to follow your story!

  4. Thanks to everyone for your kind words of encouragement! Writing is not only therapeutic for me, it's also so wonderful to find connections with others that feel the same way I do. Although I'm so sad that we all have to go through this, I'm hoping we all find our something beautiful very soon!


Comments are the online version of a hug! Thanks for showing the love by commenting! :-)