Yesterday I wrote about loss and its significance to the community in supporting one another. This has been a valuable lesson to us as we have walked down lonely roads at times.
In the past few days I've also been thinking a lot about trust, specifically trust in God. How do you truly trust God no matter what tragedy happens in life? I know a woman who trusts God so much she never seems to get sad. Even when her husband lost his job and her sister-in-law passed away unexpectedly in a house fire, she just had a smile on her face and said, "This is God's will." Now, I personally don't agree with the outlook that you should never be sad when faced with loss. Even Jesus wept at his friends' sadness and He understands that loss is sad and needs to be mourned!
But, how DO you trust God even when you go through what seem to be impossible situations? When you get bad test results, find out your spouse has been cheating, lose a loved one or find yourself unable to pay your bills, how do you TRULY trust God and that He will take care of you, never abandon you and that everything will be "ok?" I have no idea! I have some trite answers that we believe to be true in our heads, but are so hard to believe in our hearts, but I don't know what the means in practical day-to-day living. We know in our head that God's desire is not to be happy, but instead for us to be completely content and whole by loving Him. But, it sure is hard to find consolation in the "presence of God" that can seem so imaginary in the midst of trying times.
I obviously don't have the answers. All I know is that people that have gone through the biggest trials tend to have the biggest faith. I don't know about you, but I think I'd prefer the smaller faith and the smaller trials, thank you very much! :) But, unfortunately, life doesn't tend to go as we plan and trials tend to choose you instead of you choosing the trials. And we must press on in faith no matter what we go through and choose contentment and joy instead of bitterness and despair. And you know what? I don't really know how to do that very well yet!
Anyway, this likely sounds like rambling, but I believe that true faith is the faith that has been challenged. And through our fertility challenge and now our waiting process, we are still constantly being challenged. And I know that even after we have our children, there will continue to be many challenges and tests of our faith. I just hope I will "prove faithful" in the end.
“I do believe; help my unbelief.”